Emotional Bankruptcy!

Simple! If we do not place what has REAL value, what is natural, like justice, common sense, instincts and decency, above man's fake rules, were done! It's not Rocket Science that man is NOT aligned with Natural Law! But has, at a level of arrogance that is off the charts, declared himself god, Completely re-wiring Natural Law of the highest, and putting in his own. And people follow!  And be led right off a cliff!
 The REAL debt in this world only comes from Nature! The consequences that result from the Anti Nature system we live in compounds over time like interest. Not being able to feel legitimate feelings, express one's truth, have to room to simply BE without being force to conform to someone else's agenda! Is True Freedom. Its about FREE Space, FREE room! Which, in our Debt based world, does not exist.
 To have valid feedback, legitimate responses to injustices blocked is the equivalent to blocking Nature. Its the equivalent to Spitting in the face of the Highest Power and man thinking his ideas and ways are better!
 There is no more of a basic, fundamental right than having the FREE space to feel. Not in an Overconsuming way but, in a rightful way.
 What happens when our basic, legitimate responses are blocked and interrupted? We physically SHRINK! We learn to live in a cage. By "man"/sickness, diverting us away from the Natural world we're also kept disconnected from our own Nature. Once we give up our inner nature, our gut instincts, we're lost! Simple. We've lost our inner compass and are slowly slipping further and further into darkness.
 I have to keep saying it over again. I feel I learned everything there is to know by studying about the family system and the Healthy way it is supposed to work. Everything after that is the same. Our jobs/work places, neighborhoods, cities, states, countries become nothing more than larger "families". The business that went unfinished or the growth that went incompleted will go with us into our life.
 It seems clear to me that people act out at work the way they were brought up. They see their jobs and their bosses as parents, people they dare not talk back to let alone rebel, because if you do you'll be out on the street. The healthy, natural expression of rebelling authority, of resisting, of challenging the rules and programming that's been handed down for decades has been repressed.
 Our healthy inner nature and basic responses have been completely rigged or else the system would not be the way it is. People would never have the attitude of $ first at the expense of our healthy self expression. Parents, un healthily, pass these beliefs onto their children completely setting them up to be enslaved instead of teaching children the most important thing in life; self worth, self expression, being Healthy, having a voice, having courage, standing up to corrupt authority.
 The problem is a physics/leverage problem. Those people/parents, who are supposed to be the people Adding to the leverage of the child, making DEPOSITS in their child's direction, are Robbing that leverage instead which makes parents the corrupt "authority" that children later in life believe is normal. Children never get the lift off they need. If parents are poor "authority", poor leaders, then why shouldn't the rest of the world? If that's what people know when they get older, to bow rather than stand, then, like the Titanic, its a mathematical certainty that our society and the vulnerable will be enslaved, tortured and killed.
 Families, like anything else, is just a label with no ingredients, no one who has truly grown up themselves acting as a true teacher for a young person. There is simply no one to give a young person traction, someone to interact and help you develop.

Balancing the Hard & the Soft, Even in Egypt

I just returned from our attempt at getting into Gaza with about 100 other women Peace Delegates from all over the world; Belgium, Switzerland, the UK, Ireland, France and the U.S.  At least 80% of the delegates were detained then deported. Some were held for hours and days before being allowed to board planes for home. No reason was ever given as to WHY they were detained/deported and why about 20 of us were allowed into Egypt. For our video message to the Women of Gaza who invited us, see my youtube channel April Watters/Message to Women of Gaza.
 So, myself and around 7 of us Americans made the most of it and went down to Luxor to check out some of the sites.
 I want to focus on the Men in the Markets. The desperation was unmistakable! I have never felt such,,, harassment in my life! They were so desperate for business and sales that they ended up creating the Opposite effect than they were looking to do. After coming out of a temple and past the souvenirs the men selling the stuff would literally swarm you! They would be in your face with their little statues and scarves or articles of clothing trying to get you to buy. The thing was, I wanted to look, I wanted to browse what they had because it was all very nice and beautiful but, they ended up ruining it for themselves and being so pushy that they pushed us out! At one point I got so frustrated that I said, not very loud, "get the F away from me!" I always try to be respectful of others and resist the temptation to lash back but, these men were SO pushy I just couldn't help myself.
 The interesting thing that came to my mind, though, was how that very lesson is what I try to teach myself about balancing the hard and the soft. These men are NO different than anyone who needs what they need. ANYONE would behave this way under the circumstances. I've felt desperate for Love and attention all my life and have leaned on people more than they would have cared for without having the understanding of WHY. It's NORMAL, according to Nature, for people, the environment, an animal, a city, to be deteriorating and starving. I reminded myself that it's not the fault of these men for being the way they were, it's they Conditions, the SYSTEM that makes them this way. I said to myself, "At least they're not Robbing us!" Which immediately made me think of the Bankers, the Corps and the Gov who ROB us everyday, all day long subtly and gradually and THESE men are the expression of that. The Shadow Gov behind the scenes sucking the life force from all of us, taking MORE than they're share while most people go along with it.

 It reminded me of how I tried and try to teach myself to be balanced. That when you're too desperate and over barring you push people away. But, the thing is, what if you ARE desperate?! That's just it. Sooner or later we all have to accept the reality. When you're hanging on by a twig, you're hanging on by a twig. There is NO extra "funds" hanging around anywhere that's just magically going to appear.
 I saw these men as the by product of our completely rigged and corrupt world. They represented the Bankers, the Corps, the Gov who were the real "swarmers".
 It also reminded me of how I used to struggle myself for decades pondering questions I didn't know if other people contemplated. I could feel the signs & symptoms of the "shock" that I was in. How low my energy level was from growing up in emotional debt that if I took any credit for myself, needed to think anything of myself, tried to accrue any measure of self esteem that I was "taking" it away from someone else and then seeing that person as Less-than, as degraded somehow. It was as if there was some kind of "Energy shortage" but, another kind of energy, emotional energy, and if I needed to feel good about myself I was "taking" energy from someone else leaving me feeling completely guilty and screwed! That should make NO sense and yet that's exactly how it is! How can listening to your gut instincts and doing what you have to do for oneself be screwing you? This is how we learn to SHRINK, to be our own worst enemy.
 The dilemma that I lived with for decades was just that; do I take the self esteem, the credit, do I assert what I KNOW, what's rightfully mine?? This is not something anyone should be forced to be asking themselves. But because we're born into Debt, I was certainly, into Emotional/Energy debt where people who have Poor to NO self worth leave their own children feeling guilty if they do not "Sacrifice" for their parents. This is WRONG and IMMORAL!! This is how we learn to bail out the Too Big To Fails!
 Because I was alone and needed someone to rely on, it was painful no matter what I did! If I took the credit for myself, stood within my rights and my convictions, I stood alone with those I "needed" rejecting me! If they were True Family, True love, that never would have occurred. At such a young age no one is capable of making these kinds of decisions. We deserve and NEED someone on our side helping us to have leverage. "Family" should NOT be those who we need to use the little leverage we have against!! THIS IS DEBT! No one talks about this kind of debt.
 We NEED to learn more about health and Nature! The way Nature works, the way relationships are supposed to work in a healthy way is what is most important. How can nations/countries get along when we don't even have healthy families??

We Live, From the neck up!

  I have come to the absolute conclusion that human beings are very unhealthy. Most people think of ill as Physical only. We don't think or consider at ALL emotional/mental health or the way we relate to our own bodies and emotions.  We been trained to live in a mostly, in-our-head society. We been trained to value the intellect OVER the body and emotions, to value the Masculine over emotions, aka,, more feminine qualities. We've been trained to live in our heads and do to our own bodies what we do to natural resources and the earth, manipulate and take. We live in a, From the Neck Up society,  Decapitated. Our mind/intellect, has been trained to control, manipulate, force, suffocate, lie about our bodies and true feelings. To be Fake, Man-Made people to match the Fake, Man-Made system being created and we're helping. We've been so conditioned to lie, hide, put on fake images and fronts and not tell the truth about what we really feel or admit to any feelings of shame, fear, vulnerability, awkwardness or inadequacies that are perfectly normal.
 To say that people don't or didn't know is a lame excuse. One just has to stop and feel. 

 Our bodies and senses are interacting with our environment continuously and giving the mind constant feedback as to how to respond to it. The feedback from our bodies is accurate. Most people don't get that we have been programmed to keep this, make the Rich Richer World. We think and talk all about Crony Capitalism and how it's destroying the environment because it's unsustainable and nature can't keep up and handle the using of it's resources and the pollution from the waste but, no one talks about, that's exactly what we do to our bodies! That's Exactly the way we treat ourselves AND each other. We don't listen to what we or others feel, we judge what the body legitimately feels and knows and has an, in the moment, accurate response to. We're trained to suppress what the body feels and knows and to manipulate it to give us the feedback we want, rather than the answer that IS!

 This does Nothing but create DEBT. The system first, our health and satisfaction, last. It makes absolutely NO sense at all to think Fake man made $$ can ever satisfy our needs better than nature can. We must come to realize. NATURE IS IN CHARGE. There is NO way around it! Nature is NEVER wrong! It's responses and feedback are the answer! How else to we know what's what? How else to we know how to act and what to do? This idea of listening to someone else at the expense of what we know and feel is Unnatural! We must Question EVERYTHING about what we've learned in this Society, EVERYTHING. We must gut it like an old house with asbestos.

 The Body is always in the here and now, the mind can go anywhere and make up what ever it wants. how to people get to be incredible Martial Artists, Sports figures, or dancers? Not by listening to someone else but by being connected to your own body and developing the mind/body connection with respect, not force. Why should we only get to have a relationship to our bodies only so far? Get to a certain level of mastery then stop and have to turn over our will to some "Authority?" No one can tell us how to ride a bike, we must feel it within us, so No one can tell us how to do our jobs either. WE are the ones that are there, only WE can know what we feel and must do.

 I NEVER, in a million years ever thought that reading John Bradshaw's books and studying all about the Dysfunctional/abusive family system when I was growing up would end up giving me the answers to the worlds problems. Relationships are relationships no matter where you are. Healthy relating is healthy relating weather we're at home, work or school. Healthy, respectful relationships are the only thing that can ever be truly satisfying. A healthy, respectful relationship to ourselves and our own bodies is, also, the only thing that can ever be truly satisfying. Once we're taught to manipulate what we feel and hide the truth of who we are for acceptance of others or $$, we have started a debt that will continue to perpetuate until our souls turn black.
 I never thought that I would be going in one direction while most of society was going in another. I pretty much, thought everyone struggled with what I struggled with, how to mange Not losing oneself, how to follow one's passions and earn a living. By reading books early on on what dysfunctional/abusive relating was in comparison to healthy and functioning relating, I  paid close attention everywhere I went to the way people behaved. It was pretty clear most people were not paying attention or cared about this issue that was of the utmost concern to me. For me, it was not complicated, I grew up in what felt like prison. An environment that had left me so traumatized and terrified that I vowed that I would Not repeat it! I never thought $$ was the answer, I truly, naively, believed that working on relationship "fitness" and how to have win-win situations, I could definitely change my life and I could create loving, respectful relations and then the $$ would come.

 It's all about putting the pieces together in the proper order. But, in this world of $$ focus and domination, I just couldn't accumulate enough. Most people were taken in by the surface, $$, looks, materialism rather then the quality of the person. But, in my Naive mind, I had NO idea the world was that shallow. I gave way too much credit to people and had no doubt that the world valued quality in a person and that I could really get ahead if I strived to be a righteous person who stood up for what was right. I truly believed that was what the world valued and how people got ahead. Boy! was I wrong!    
  Due to the way I grew up, I was adamant about healthy, respectful relationships and effective communication skills and listening techniques and there was NO way that I was going to be in any job where I would be feeling the same disrespect and dysfunction I felt growing up. I had the same brain washing that if I wanted a roof and clothes that I would have to be subjected to the oppressive, depressingly unhealthy environment in my house. I didn't stand for it as a young person and I certainly wasn't going to do it as I got older. I knew that if I started getting into this had habit now,, I'd be doing it all my life and I wasn't about to do that! I really thought other people lived that way too. I thought most people grew up in a healthier family than me and knew all these things already.
 I thought it would be fairly easy to meet other people who were like me. I wanted more than anything to meet and be like people who were warriors, who stood for what was right, who had a standard of quality besides $$ and how things appear. People who were truly Fit and Courageous.  I starved for the Role Models I never had.

 I quit every job, or was fired, because I would not blindly follow orders. I knew right away when someone was not a real leader.  I was so used to being on my own so early and challenging the Hell out of "Authority" that I did end up knowing much more than those in charge and having a much higher standard. I lived my life by the philosophy of listening and trusting what my Body felt and knew. All people did and tried to tell me my whole life was to listen to them instead of what I knew. They tried to talk me out of what I knew to be true and take advantage of my vulnerable position. I taught myself from reading books that if anyone is your real Friend or a REAL "Authority", they'll be encouraging you to listen to and trust your gut. Anyone who tries to get you to listen to them over your own instincts you should run away from as far as you can. They're the opposite of a Real Leader.

 As weird as it is, my unhealthy, abusive childhood gave me the conviction like no one else I knew. People I "thought" grew up healthier than me really weren't. They didn't reach any further than how they were raised. Everyone who I thought had learned all these things I was reading in John Bradshaw's books didn't. They might not have had the level of neglect I grew up with but, they also didn't have the drive, the passion to overcome, to be more than the way they were raised, to ask questions. I was like a person who had a physical injury who had PT to recover and kept on going! The only problem was that there was not one to listen, no allies, no support, no one with the same desire for "Fitness", only more of the same, people who didn't listen. Complacent people, people who saw my learning as a challenge to be squashed and dismissed. If I could've only met one quality person to give me traction, who wasn't threatened by someone who wanted to be smart but, embraced it. One person to be a mentor. 
    

What we think Divides,, actually Unites!

I feel I have to say the same things over and over. There are only so many things to blog about which end up bringing me back to the same thing, Health, Nature, the Mind/body connection.
FACT,, if we want to make the world a better place,, we have to work on ourselves, Period. There Is NO changing out there. We can hold up a mirror to others to show them to themselves,, yes, I do feel that's absolutely necessary because,, We are not always the problem. Those in Power ARE much of the Problem and the people putting a fire underneath them is required. Knowing what we are and are not responsible for is the first step because what they PTB Love to do is put on us what is not our responsibility. To make us pay for what we should Not be paying for. Knowing where the boundaries are is the most important thing to establish, and since the boundaries have been so eroded, so shifted, so pushed back in our direction, it' IS up to us to Push back on them.
 The first priority in any healthy relationship is establishing healthy boundaries, even with husbands and wives, children and parents, co-workers, etc. We can begin setting healthy boundaries with the Bankers and the Gov/Military, & Corps by establishing healthy boundaries with those right around us.
 We really need to get busy getting fit in the way we interact and relate and learn and practice healthy communication skills if we are to survive and have our children thrive.
 We have no idea how far from Optimum healthy we have strayed because it happens so slowly that we do not feel it. It is Imperative that we change course! It's to our own Basic survival that we learn the signs and symptoms of our illnesses on an Emotional level. The things that people fight about,, Religion, Race, are things that,, if we scaled down to the most basic things in life, we could eliminate. ALL of us need Shelter, ALL of us need clean water, air, safety, Love, protection, adoration, healthy food. It's really ironic because,, those are the very weapons people use against one another when they want to fight and terrorize the other.
 Take Torture for instance; We turn to Nature and those VERY things that could be use to unite us and instead they use to torture!! FACT!! By the Use of Torture, they're actually Proving that we're MORE United than divided!! They don't use Religion to Torture!! They don't sit and read the bible or the Kuran to torture someone, NO,, they use, NATURE. Basic needs or Deprivations that we all need and would be harmed if deprived of. What kind of sense does that make?? Solitary confinement, No windows in cells, small, enclosed spaces, no sunlight, water boarding, sleep deprivation, sexual humiliation, cold. ALL the things that PROVE we're MORE alike than different and yet they administer these practices to prove how divided we are when all they do is prove we're connected!! DUH!! Talk about what's Right under your Nose!! It's the very thing that's right in front of us, that if we turned it around, we could create such a world of harmony and peace. It's the same energy that gets used to do harm, that can be used to do good. It's all a matter of directing it.
 $$ is what's behind it all. Terrorist Leaders paying other terrorist leaders lots of Fake Federal Reserve Notes to keep the violence going. Something that does not come from Nature, something that IS a Disease used to perpetuate disease, and people can't see it. They can't see that what they're doing will never bring them true satisfaction. I guess some people are just too far gone.
 People get such a build up,, such and accumulation of hatred and falsities that constantly perpetuate themselves. If people could only SEE underneath the Lies they've been told. Instead, people are totally blocked,, like Atherosclerosis built up in their minds that keeps hardening and hardening until it's completely blocked.
  Like GMO foods, chemicals & toxins, the body cannot process these ingredients so they end up Stuck in the body. Once that happens they cannot help but perpetuate. So like division and lies, they are Bad for the Body, the body cannot process them so they get stuck and perpetuate until they eventually CONSUME the person so they are Totally blocked from seeing outside of it. No blood, light or O2 can get in.
 So Waking up, is like digging oneself out from under "atherosclerosis" build up in ones mind/body! The more the build up the harder it will be. If I lived and grew up in some of the conditions of the people where these atrocities are taking place, I would likely get caught up in the brutality too, either as a victim or aggressor. It's all a matter of leverage, Physics.
 I actually grew up contemplating,, Do I want to be the Abusee or the Abuser?? That seemed to be the choice. I tried to Not be either, be in the middle but, the Reality is that we must learn and acquire the skills to not be either and that takes time and resources, which many do not have. We end up getting taken over by the "current" before we've learned how to "swim".
 Then all the system/PTB/Military/Corporations/Banks, does is come along and Drool at the prospect of Profiting off of the ignorance rather than helping it. There will be NOTHING we can do as long as those cashing in continue to Profit off the miseries of others. $$ they make out of thin air!
 Only those with Genuine concerns for others can change things.The victims don't need to wake up. They're WIDE awake to what's going on! It's the aggressors that need an awakening. And That will never happen until people start Rising. Again,, things have to happen according to Nature, Reality, Truth.

Trip to Gaza March 5th

It's been while since I've posted a blog. At times I feel I'm all over the place getting pulled in many different directions and wanting to help too many causes. Since I received the email last week about being accepted as a Delegate to go with the Organization Code Pink to Gaza, I've been busy trying to raise funds by putting a FB page together and creating a GoFundMe site,
http://www.gofundme.com/Trip-to-Gaza  
 The site for the Trip and explanations as to what is going on in Gaza can be found at website. 
 Here is some description from the website,,

An appeal from Jamila Al-Habash

The Palestinian women of Gaza are asking us to do our utmost to break the silence on their terrible 7 years under siege. And for those women who can, to come to Gaza on March 8, 2014, International Women's Day. We are leading a delegation of 15 women from March 5 - March 13.
 

A Call from the Women of Gaza

We invite you to come on March 8th, International Women’s Day, to see firsthand how the Israeli blockade is making life intolerable in the besieged Gaza Strip.  

We, the Palestinian women of Gaza are being forced into isolation by the Israeli policies of apartheid. We continue to live the terrible consequences of the 7-year-blockade and the ongoing occupation of the Gaza Strip. We call on you to stand in solidarity with us to end this unjust, inhumane, and illegal blockade.

Our right to economic security, as we are condemned to poverty—unable to secure a decent life for our families;

Our right to work, which we are deprived of due to increasing unemployment caused by the severe economic restrictions on importing and exporting;

Our right to basic necessities, as we are deprived of adequate access to clean water, electricity, fuel, etc.

   

We ask you to stand in solidarity with us. Together, let us demand that the world stand up to the apartheid policies that we Palestinian women in the Gaza Strip are subjected to on a daily basis.

 Last year when I was working with Danny Schechter the News Dissector on his radio show we had a young lady on the show who went on the trip and told us all about her experience. Since then I felt that twinge of interest to go.
Code Pink, has been around since 2002. From their site, is a women- initiated grass roots peace & social justice movement working to end U.S. funded wars and occupations, to challenge militarism globally, and to redirect our resources into healthcare, education, green job and other life-affirming activities. 

is a women-initiated grassroots peace and social justice movement working to end U.S. funded wars and occupations, to challenge militarism globally, and to redirect our resources into health care, education, green jobs and other life-affirming activities. Won't you join us? - See more at: http://www.codepinkalert.org/article.php?list=type&type=3#sthash.ecHxhaHa.dpuf

What is CODEPINK? CODEPINK is a women-initiated grassroots peace and social justice movement working to end U.S. funded wars and occupations, to challenge militarism globally, and to redirect our resources into health care, education, green jobs and other life-affirming activities. Won't you join us?
- See more at: http://www.codepinkalert.org/article.php?list=type&type=3#sthash.ecHxhaHa.dpuf

 

In a DEBT based Society, Truth and Physics are the Enemy!

I hope more and more people are beginning to understand what our Society is. Those in "charge" over rule the Laws of Nature, aka God, Physics and Common Sense! Now you have it folks! Out in the Open! Blatant Corruption and Criminality, that 4 "cops" KILL a Homeless, Schizophrenic 37 year old man and get away with it !! I mean, you can't get any Lower! Maybe if the guy was a quadriplegic  or something, would it be MORE horrifying. Obviously NOT horrifying enough for the jurors. Unless the jurors were paid, off, threatened, or like in many cases, the Judge "Tells them" what the law is, Tells the jury what's real, as in the case of Whitney Harrell, http://youtu.be/aroN2uRbIMc
 The juror Marcy Brooks discusses her experience as a juror on the case of Whitney Harrell who was being charged with NOT paying his income taxes. Mr Harrell was "in the know" of some information that, apparently most are not aware of, BIG SURPRISE THERE! And because too many are ignorant to this facts, even judges take advantage and will try to prosecute Innocent people. Marcy Brooks said of Judge "Coogan", "I will instruct the juror as to the law", but, Never gave the jurors the Law that shows Americans are Required to pay an income tax, yet expected them to find Mr. Harrell guilty of not paying his taxes. Judge Coogan's insinuation that HE makes the law, without showing the law on paper, ended up back firing when the jurors found Mr. Harrell innocent while at the same time, he Not having paid his taxes!
 If you don't have an educated and strong jury, who are able to think and not be intimidate by a corrupt judge, we'll get cases and outcomes like the one with Kelley Thomas, Blatant Corruption! Even with a Video!! In the case of Whitney Harrell, the judge did not even show the evidence of the piece of paper, the Supposed "Law" that requires Americans to pay income taxes, No proof, and expected the jury to find Mr Harrell Guilty! IN the case of the killing of Kelley Thomas and the cops,

Former officer Manuel Ramos was charged with second-degree murder and involuntary manslaughter. A second former Fullerton officer, Jay Cicinelli, was charged with involuntary manslaughter and excessive use of force. They were found NOT GUILTY of the charges! 

 So, again, Sorry to bring it up again, but, because this is EXACTLY the kind of Abuse of Power I lived with growing up. This is how so many PARENTS treat their kids, and have NOW grown up and think this is normal! the Law is what Parents "SAY" it is. How many of us heard that as kids? Because "I" said so! How many parents really went to lengths to treat their children fairly and demonstrated respect for their children in their house? I'd bet, NOT many! I know there are quality

For the Love of Nature!

I was so happy to read a Great article yesterday that gave me such a lift! I feel like I've been waiting for something like this to come along for a loooooong time! The Article is called, For the Love of Money in the NY Times by Sam Polk. I almost couldn't believe what I was reading, that some $$ addicted, whoring, drug user admitting and coming clean that he and the entire environment on Wall St is one of , from the article,,
 "From that moment on, I started to see Wall Street with new eyes. I noticed the vitriol that traders directed at the government for limiting bonuses after the crash. I heard the fury in their voices at the mention of higher taxes. These traders despised anything or anyone that threatened their bonuses. Ever see what a drug addict is like when he’s used up his junk? He’ll do anything — walk 20 miles in the snow, rob a grandma — to get a fix. Wall Street was like that. In the months before bonuses were handed out, the trading floor started to feel like a neighborhood in “The Wire” when the heroin runs out."
 Why is it that some ex Hedge Funder who was unhealthy, addicted, greedy and hurting people for years can write an article admitting everything and the public is all patting him on the back, when there are decent people in the world who never did a "bad" thing in their lives and get NO recognition at all?! It reminds me of John Perkins who spent decades helping destroy the world by working for Private companies getting paid thousands of $$ to corrupt leaders of other countries so a few Rich people can set up camp in that country, under the guise of "Helping the people" only to make those Rich people even richer and the poor, poorer. Then he gets a guilty conscience after doing it for a while, write a book about what he did and the destruction he participated in and he's a Hero! I take objection to that!
 Although I am completely grateful that these men turned around and did what they did, I can't help but feel anger that, they get so easily forgiven, serve no jail time, made all this $$ to now go out into the world and be "Do gooders".
 Sam Polk talk about his father's Rage when he was growing up and his father drumming into him the importance of money, "Dad believed money would solve all his problems. At 22, so did I."
What makes me mad is that I never went after $ in my entire life because I knew that it was empty. I knew early on that $$ was supposed to be backed by and come to you from doing what we love in life. Having $$ for $$ sake IS Empty! I can't even believe it's not illegal! I never would have thought places like that even existed. I mean, I knew Wall St existed but, I thought they operated fairly honestly and made $$ for their clients as well.
 I get resentful that due to dealing with domestic issues and abuses growing up I was forced to be responsible and "good" early on. All I ever did was try to be "good" and "healthy". There was so much fighting and hatred in my house as a kid I tried very early to have be "healthy" and "spiritual" so I wouldn't turn out to be like either one of my parents. I felt like I had poison inside me from growing up in that house that if I moved it would circulate through me blood stream and spread. I tried my hardest not to simply let go and live, there by allowing the Poison to make its way through my life. I tried forcing myself to be healthy, reading every book on the dysfunctional family, communication skills, therapy, meditation, Yoga, weight training, jogging, anything so I wouldn't repeat where I came from.
 I learned about Co Dependency and Love addiction early on. I did everything "therapeutic"  to give myself an "exorcism". I attended 12 step groups for Co dependency issues because I was made to feel  responsible for my mother as a kid.
 I've been talking about what the world is talking about more openly now since I was 7 years old. I knew the issues of $$ came from the way we were raised and treated as kids and that if we weren't raised in healthy environments and had a healthy self image, money would only be a reflection of that. It would only be an extension of our emotional illness and I naively thought Society wouldn't allow that. I truly believed in Divine Justice and that Nature would never allow Emotionally ill people to get far in life. I believed in Justice and that any deviant would never be able to get as far as so many greedy, addicted, power hungry, mentally ill, have gotten.
 The I realized,, it's not Nature or Divine Justice that allowed it,, people did. People who, themselves, allowed $$ to divert them from what's important. Just because most people aren't ## addicts like they are on Wall St doesn't mean they don't do the same thing. They still sell out for $$, they just sell out for less.
 Why the entire country is not in a 12 step program is beyond me! Congress, the Military Industrial complex, the White House, Corporations, ALL need to be in a 12 step program and WE the people need to be the intervention! It's time to get Clean, it's time to get a Spiritual practice. it's time to re prioritize and  put what's really valuable at the top of the list!