Dig Deep

I don't know what to call things anymore out of not wanting to repeat myself but it Is the same things that continue to show up over and over.
 Lack of Fitness! People under some deluded impression that We/they dictate to Natural Law rather than the other way around. Whether its Chevron who dumps toxic chemicals in the Amazon rain forest while some "official" dept head takes a bribe and let's them get "away with it" while Nature has something completely different to say about the matter, and we go and listen to what "man" says! I am not a religious person or some God Freak. I've been into and focusing on health &  fitness all my life. The things that are a "No Brainer" yet people still continue to, mentally "chew" on things and never swallow! Issues stay stuck in the head, never getting digested. Too many people want to continue keeping things in the head never coming to a place of arrival because of the conditioning & over valuing the Intellect Over the Body/reality. Instead of seeing the value of one WITH the other. They are connected for a reason. They live under the same roof for a reason! Not like humans, who live separate lives under the same roof, so our minds and bodies have to separate in order to keep that going. Again, Rather than connecting the mind/body the way they're supposed to and basing our lives from there, we base our lives from a place of disconnect and build our lives on top of that. Build our lives on top of the lead of Psycho, no-limits Capitalism bent on destroying Nature on all levels!
 Nature/Health is in DIRECT conflict with Out-of-Touch Capitalism. They can't go together and at some point we all have to make the excruciating decision of which one we are going to choose! Or the choice will make you. You might not be making any choice and instead living by default but the unconscious is building your "bank account" regardless.
 People have said things to me like "you can't expect people to be the way you want them to be", since I was very young. As if needing what NATURAL LAW says we non-negotiably need is up for discussion. Does anyone say that to David Koch?? Do you think you would EVER hear ANYONE say something like that to Jamie Dimon?? Their Fake $$ keeps them from ever receiving any REAL, Honest Feedback. The people do not even pay attention to what they say or the things they tell themselves or others. WE the people need to keep giving up more and more, live smaller and smaller so the Abusive Sociopaths in our shadow Gov can keep sucking the life force out of us!!
 I have an idea! Let's begin to CHANGE our diet! Let's feed each other more empowering things to  live by! Let's "feed" each other AND ourselves more "muscle building" words and beliefs thereby taking what is RIGHTFULLY ours and let the Sociopaths live with a little less! People have NO idea how connected we all are and how by saying and believing all these self dis-empowering things, we're keeping ourselves small and enslaved.
 It only happens by BEING in the here and Now. By paying attention to what we say and how we're conditioned to cheat ourselves.
 Natural Law is not negotiable! We cannot over ride its dictates. The more we think we can only reveals the level of our Psychosis.
 Man cannot decide that the rain forest and the people in the Amazon are not effected by the toxic waste they dump. Nature does! They can dismiss the effects all they want going further & further into Psychosis but, the reality remains. Nature dictates! Man should only be listened to or followed when he is living in alignment with Natural Law. When its become ridiculously obvious that the Greedy are in direct opposition to, then its our duty to resist and fight back.

Exercise ALL of your parts!

What would your body look like if you went to the gym everyday and only worked out your,,,,,, let's say, your Triceps? How do u think you would look? Do u think it would look a bit strange and somewhat un proportioned? That is exactly what people "look like" emotionally, un proportioned from using those parts that are already over developed. Most people use, "exercise" only a small part of themselves day in and day out. Many people walk around un proportioned emotionally with certain emotions that get over exercised becoming over developed which perpetuates the recruitment of those emotions getting used more often. Its a self fulfilling prophecy. Its our own personal version of "globalization" and "corporatocracy" where we're the ones Oppressing our own parts!!  The parts that have the most continue acquiring the most, just like people. Those with the most $$ and power continue getting more until it's challenged.
Like the Laws of Motion,, an Object in Motion stays in motion until acted on by an outside force. How do we use the smaller parts of ourselves to stand up to the Larger part of ourselves?? That's what Barbara DeAngelis used to talk about, How do we use the 5% of our un programmed self to reprogram the 95%.
 Its the part of us that we learned to express more at the expense of other valid parts of ourselves that end up dominating those less dominant parts. Its like having an mini dominant empire right inside of us.  Because its too painful and too much work  we don't want to deal with those under developed parts of ourselves and bring them into balance with the part that gets too much use. This is why people like the 1% are "over developed" $$ wise and acquire more and more. That's all they do! They're literally like the Gym analogy of the person with the over grown Triceps! They never exercise anything else! While the rest of us are more of the opposite, in varying degrees. Exercising some of that aspect but exercising more of our recreational parts, our "humanity".    As time goes on, however, as the over grown Tricep gets bigger and bigger it will cause the people to be more imbalanced also until the people are confronted with a major decision; Lose yourself or say "No" to the over grown tricep bringing the system more into balance.
 Some people grew up shamed for feeling anger, some for feeling sexuality, fear, pride, even too much joy. It usually correlates to gender. Men are more accepted in expressing aggression. Women are conditioned to be more giving and not to express anger. (except in our Out-of-Control Profit over common sense world) It continues throughout ones life if gone unchallenged and remains unconscious. Most people never realize it even though the signs and symptoms are right in front of them. This is why those who have the least tend to be the most "giving" Because they know what its like and they want people to give to them. We're conditioned to think if we continue to give we get, when what we need to do is Stop bleeding out.There's a Difference between Giving and Bleeding out. One has to Have it to Give, has to be able to Afford it to Give.
 It's about Change,, doing something different. That is the most difficult thing to do because we don't have the leverage, we don't have the momentum. It's like trying to pull oneself up over a cliff that you just missed falling off of! That is Literally where people are, on an Emotional/Spiritual level. It's Normal and Healthy to push back, to Say "No more!'
 It's very difficult for people to do what they are not used to doing because it takes WORK,, it takes cultivation from scratch, from what doesn't exist, like trying to stop a rock rolling down a hill picking up more and more speed and girth. How many people are going to do that? How many people are that in touch with the instincts and Body? The HEAD and conditioning continue with it's mighty grip keeping the person/people on the Same path, doing the SAME thing! How does a person get the leverage inside themselves that is required?? Hopefully, if there are others going through what you're going through you can all band together and give each other leverage. That is what Families are for, what they are supposed to do for each other. Be each others coach, Personal Trainer helping them gain that needed leverage within and vice versa. It's the lack of having someone there for us that keeps us from acquiring what's inside of us. We are way too Conditioned and do NOT know what it's like to simply behave and act IN the Moment,, FRESH, No thinking,, just responding. Allowing the Body to lead us and defend ourselves. 

Emotional Bankruptcy!

Simple! If we do not place what has REAL value, what is natural, like justice, common sense, instincts and decency, above man's fake rules, were done! It's not Rocket Science that man is NOT aligned with Natural Law! But has, at a level of arrogance that is off the charts, declared himself god, Completely re-wiring Natural Law of the highest, and putting in his own. And people follow!  And be led right off a cliff!
 The REAL debt in this world only comes from Nature! The consequences that result from the Anti Nature system we live in compounds over time like interest. Not being able to feel legitimate feelings, express one's truth, have to room to simply BE without being force to conform to someone else's agenda! Is True Freedom. Its about FREE Space, FREE room! Which, in our Debt based world, does not exist.
 To have valid feedback, legitimate responses to injustices blocked is the equivalent to blocking Nature. Its the equivalent to Spitting in the face of the Highest Power and man thinking his ideas and ways are better!
 There is no more of a basic, fundamental right than having the FREE space to feel. Not in an Overconsuming way but, in a rightful way.
 What happens when our basic, legitimate responses are blocked and interrupted? We physically SHRINK! We learn to live in a cage. By "man"/sickness, diverting us away from the Natural world we're also kept disconnected from our own Nature. Once we give up our inner nature, our gut instincts, we're lost! Simple. We've lost our inner compass and are slowly slipping further and further into darkness.
 I have to keep saying it over again. I feel I learned everything there is to know by studying about the family system and the Healthy way it is supposed to work. Everything after that is the same. Our jobs/work places, neighborhoods, cities, states, countries become nothing more than larger "families". The business that went unfinished or the growth that went incompleted will go with us into our life.
 It seems clear to me that people act out at work the way they were brought up. They see their jobs and their bosses as parents, people they dare not talk back to let alone rebel, because if you do you'll be out on the street. The healthy, natural expression of rebelling authority, of resisting, of challenging the rules and programming that's been handed down for decades has been repressed.
 Our healthy inner nature and basic responses have been completely rigged or else the system would not be the way it is. People would never have the attitude of $ first at the expense of our healthy self expression. Parents, un healthily, pass these beliefs onto their children completely setting them up to be enslaved instead of teaching children the most important thing in life; self worth, self expression, being Healthy, having a voice, having courage, standing up to corrupt authority.
 The problem is a physics/leverage problem. Those people/parents, who are supposed to be the people Adding to the leverage of the child, making DEPOSITS in their child's direction, are Robbing that leverage instead which makes parents the corrupt "authority" that children later in life believe is normal. Children never get the lift off they need. If parents are poor "authority", poor leaders, then why shouldn't the rest of the world? If that's what people know when they get older, to bow rather than stand, then, like the Titanic, its a mathematical certainty that our society and the vulnerable will be enslaved, tortured and killed.
 Families, like anything else, is just a label with no ingredients, no one who has truly grown up themselves acting as a true teacher for a young person. There is simply no one to give a young person traction, someone to interact and help you develop.

Balancing the Hard & the Soft, Even in Egypt

I just returned from our attempt at getting into Gaza with about 100 other women Peace Delegates from all over the world; Belgium, Switzerland, the UK, Ireland, France and the U.S.  At least 80% of the delegates were detained then deported. Some were held for hours and days before being allowed to board planes for home. No reason was ever given as to WHY they were detained/deported and why about 20 of us were allowed into Egypt. For our video message to the Women of Gaza who invited us, see my youtube channel April Watters/Message to Women of Gaza.
 So, myself and around 7 of us Americans made the most of it and went down to Luxor to check out some of the sites.
 I want to focus on the Men in the Markets. The desperation was unmistakable! I have never felt such,,, harassment in my life! They were so desperate for business and sales that they ended up creating the Opposite effect than they were looking to do. After coming out of a temple and past the souvenirs the men selling the stuff would literally swarm you! They would be in your face with their little statues and scarves or articles of clothing trying to get you to buy. The thing was, I wanted to look, I wanted to browse what they had because it was all very nice and beautiful but, they ended up ruining it for themselves and being so pushy that they pushed us out! At one point I got so frustrated that I said, not very loud, "get the F away from me!" I always try to be respectful of others and resist the temptation to lash back but, these men were SO pushy I just couldn't help myself.
 The interesting thing that came to my mind, though, was how that very lesson is what I try to teach myself about balancing the hard and the soft. These men are NO different than anyone who needs what they need. ANYONE would behave this way under the circumstances. I've felt desperate for Love and attention all my life and have leaned on people more than they would have cared for without having the understanding of WHY. It's NORMAL, according to Nature, for people, the environment, an animal, a city, to be deteriorating and starving. I reminded myself that it's not the fault of these men for being the way they were, it's they Conditions, the SYSTEM that makes them this way. I said to myself, "At least they're not Robbing us!" Which immediately made me think of the Bankers, the Corps and the Gov who ROB us everyday, all day long subtly and gradually and THESE men are the expression of that. The Shadow Gov behind the scenes sucking the life force from all of us, taking MORE than they're share while most people go along with it.

 It reminded me of how I tried and try to teach myself to be balanced. That when you're too desperate and over barring you push people away. But, the thing is, what if you ARE desperate?! That's just it. Sooner or later we all have to accept the reality. When you're hanging on by a twig, you're hanging on by a twig. There is NO extra "funds" hanging around anywhere that's just magically going to appear.
 I saw these men as the by product of our completely rigged and corrupt world. They represented the Bankers, the Corps, the Gov who were the real "swarmers".
 It also reminded me of how I used to struggle myself for decades pondering questions I didn't know if other people contemplated. I could feel the signs & symptoms of the "shock" that I was in. How low my energy level was from growing up in emotional debt that if I took any credit for myself, needed to think anything of myself, tried to accrue any measure of self esteem that I was "taking" it away from someone else and then seeing that person as Less-than, as degraded somehow. It was as if there was some kind of "Energy shortage" but, another kind of energy, emotional energy, and if I needed to feel good about myself I was "taking" energy from someone else leaving me feeling completely guilty and screwed! That should make NO sense and yet that's exactly how it is! How can listening to your gut instincts and doing what you have to do for oneself be screwing you? This is how we learn to SHRINK, to be our own worst enemy.
 The dilemma that I lived with for decades was just that; do I take the self esteem, the credit, do I assert what I KNOW, what's rightfully mine?? This is not something anyone should be forced to be asking themselves. But because we're born into Debt, I was certainly, into Emotional/Energy debt where people who have Poor to NO self worth leave their own children feeling guilty if they do not "Sacrifice" for their parents. This is WRONG and IMMORAL!! This is how we learn to bail out the Too Big To Fails!
 Because I was alone and needed someone to rely on, it was painful no matter what I did! If I took the credit for myself, stood within my rights and my convictions, I stood alone with those I "needed" rejecting me! If they were True Family, True love, that never would have occurred. At such a young age no one is capable of making these kinds of decisions. We deserve and NEED someone on our side helping us to have leverage. "Family" should NOT be those who we need to use the little leverage we have against!! THIS IS DEBT! No one talks about this kind of debt.
 We NEED to learn more about health and Nature! The way Nature works, the way relationships are supposed to work in a healthy way is what is most important. How can nations/countries get along when we don't even have healthy families??

We Live, From the neck up!

  I have come to the absolute conclusion that human beings are very unhealthy. Most people think of ill as Physical only. We don't think or consider at ALL emotional/mental health or the way we relate to our own bodies and emotions.  We been trained to live in a mostly, in-our-head society. We been trained to value the intellect OVER the body and emotions, to value the Masculine over emotions, aka,, more feminine qualities. We've been trained to live in our heads and do to our own bodies what we do to natural resources and the earth, manipulate and take. We live in a, From the Neck Up society,  Decapitated. Our mind/intellect, has been trained to control, manipulate, force, suffocate, lie about our bodies and true feelings. To be Fake, Man-Made people to match the Fake, Man-Made system being created and we're helping. We've been so conditioned to lie, hide, put on fake images and fronts and not tell the truth about what we really feel or admit to any feelings of shame, fear, vulnerability, awkwardness or inadequacies that are perfectly normal.
 To say that people don't or didn't know is a lame excuse. One just has to stop and feel. 

 Our bodies and senses are interacting with our environment continuously and giving the mind constant feedback as to how to respond to it. The feedback from our bodies is accurate. Most people don't get that we have been programmed to keep this, make the Rich Richer World. We think and talk all about Crony Capitalism and how it's destroying the environment because it's unsustainable and nature can't keep up and handle the using of it's resources and the pollution from the waste but, no one talks about, that's exactly what we do to our bodies! That's Exactly the way we treat ourselves AND each other. We don't listen to what we or others feel, we judge what the body legitimately feels and knows and has an, in the moment, accurate response to. We're trained to suppress what the body feels and knows and to manipulate it to give us the feedback we want, rather than the answer that IS!

 This does Nothing but create DEBT. The system first, our health and satisfaction, last. It makes absolutely NO sense at all to think Fake man made $$ can ever satisfy our needs better than nature can. We must come to realize. NATURE IS IN CHARGE. There is NO way around it! Nature is NEVER wrong! It's responses and feedback are the answer! How else to we know what's what? How else to we know how to act and what to do? This idea of listening to someone else at the expense of what we know and feel is Unnatural! We must Question EVERYTHING about what we've learned in this Society, EVERYTHING. We must gut it like an old house with asbestos.

 The Body is always in the here and now, the mind can go anywhere and make up what ever it wants. how to people get to be incredible Martial Artists, Sports figures, or dancers? Not by listening to someone else but by being connected to your own body and developing the mind/body connection with respect, not force. Why should we only get to have a relationship to our bodies only so far? Get to a certain level of mastery then stop and have to turn over our will to some "Authority?" No one can tell us how to ride a bike, we must feel it within us, so No one can tell us how to do our jobs either. WE are the ones that are there, only WE can know what we feel and must do.

 I NEVER, in a million years ever thought that reading John Bradshaw's books and studying all about the Dysfunctional/abusive family system when I was growing up would end up giving me the answers to the worlds problems. Relationships are relationships no matter where you are. Healthy relating is healthy relating weather we're at home, work or school. Healthy, respectful relationships are the only thing that can ever be truly satisfying. A healthy, respectful relationship to ourselves and our own bodies is, also, the only thing that can ever be truly satisfying. Once we're taught to manipulate what we feel and hide the truth of who we are for acceptance of others or $$, we have started a debt that will continue to perpetuate until our souls turn black.
 I never thought that I would be going in one direction while most of society was going in another. I pretty much, thought everyone struggled with what I struggled with, how to mange Not losing oneself, how to follow one's passions and earn a living. By reading books early on on what dysfunctional/abusive relating was in comparison to healthy and functioning relating, I  paid close attention everywhere I went to the way people behaved. It was pretty clear most people were not paying attention or cared about this issue that was of the utmost concern to me. For me, it was not complicated, I grew up in what felt like prison. An environment that had left me so traumatized and terrified that I vowed that I would Not repeat it! I never thought $$ was the answer, I truly, naively, believed that working on relationship "fitness" and how to have win-win situations, I could definitely change my life and I could create loving, respectful relations and then the $$ would come.

 It's all about putting the pieces together in the proper order. But, in this world of $$ focus and domination, I just couldn't accumulate enough. Most people were taken in by the surface, $$, looks, materialism rather then the quality of the person. But, in my Naive mind, I had NO idea the world was that shallow. I gave way too much credit to people and had no doubt that the world valued quality in a person and that I could really get ahead if I strived to be a righteous person who stood up for what was right. I truly believed that was what the world valued and how people got ahead. Boy! was I wrong!    
  Due to the way I grew up, I was adamant about healthy, respectful relationships and effective communication skills and listening techniques and there was NO way that I was going to be in any job where I would be feeling the same disrespect and dysfunction I felt growing up. I had the same brain washing that if I wanted a roof and clothes that I would have to be subjected to the oppressive, depressingly unhealthy environment in my house. I didn't stand for it as a young person and I certainly wasn't going to do it as I got older. I knew that if I started getting into this had habit now,, I'd be doing it all my life and I wasn't about to do that! I really thought other people lived that way too. I thought most people grew up in a healthier family than me and knew all these things already.
 I thought it would be fairly easy to meet other people who were like me. I wanted more than anything to meet and be like people who were warriors, who stood for what was right, who had a standard of quality besides $$ and how things appear. People who were truly Fit and Courageous.  I starved for the Role Models I never had.

 I quit every job, or was fired, because I would not blindly follow orders. I knew right away when someone was not a real leader.  I was so used to being on my own so early and challenging the Hell out of "Authority" that I did end up knowing much more than those in charge and having a much higher standard. I lived my life by the philosophy of listening and trusting what my Body felt and knew. All people did and tried to tell me my whole life was to listen to them instead of what I knew. They tried to talk me out of what I knew to be true and take advantage of my vulnerable position. I taught myself from reading books that if anyone is your real Friend or a REAL "Authority", they'll be encouraging you to listen to and trust your gut. Anyone who tries to get you to listen to them over your own instincts you should run away from as far as you can. They're the opposite of a Real Leader.

 As weird as it is, my unhealthy, abusive childhood gave me the conviction like no one else I knew. People I "thought" grew up healthier than me really weren't. They didn't reach any further than how they were raised. Everyone who I thought had learned all these things I was reading in John Bradshaw's books didn't. They might not have had the level of neglect I grew up with but, they also didn't have the drive, the passion to overcome, to be more than the way they were raised, to ask questions. I was like a person who had a physical injury who had PT to recover and kept on going! The only problem was that there was not one to listen, no allies, no support, no one with the same desire for "Fitness", only more of the same, people who didn't listen. Complacent people, people who saw my learning as a challenge to be squashed and dismissed. If I could've only met one quality person to give me traction, who wasn't threatened by someone who wanted to be smart but, embraced it. One person to be a mentor.