My brother showed up this weekend complaining of neck pain that he's been dealing with for weeks since a run in with a deer while driving. His Range of Motions is severely limited and it hurts to turn his head in any direction. I tired doing some gentle stretches and massage.
It made me think of the metaphor I've used to describe the family system and relationships. My brothers neck pain and the muscles and ligaments involved are an example of what some families and relationships are like. The constriction and lack of mobility that many people feel, the pain and difficulty when trying to get the cooperation we need form those parts/people around us can end up strangling us instead if the relationships falls into too much debt. It's all about how we interact with each other. It's all about how we were taught to treat others and respond to their needs. My bothers neck issue most likely was caused by an incident he had with a dear while driving 2 weeks ago then all the driving he does on top of that.
Upon the surprise and getting startled by a dear running in front of our car, in a split second we gasp, hold our breath and clench up. It's the equivalent to brakes on a car locking. Holding our breath puts the Muscles into O2 debt when they need the O2 the most! Once the muscles get into that debt, it's hard to get them out. We need to give CPR to those parts that were strangled. Gaining the trust back and getting the muscles to release takes time and consistency. Who was taught to have the Presence of mind to continue breathing when a dear runs in front of our car? If we practiced Meditation maybe some people can.
Which brings me to the description of the Family, the muscles represent people in relationships and what happens when the relationship gets starved and turns on us in excruciating pain. Even the best relationships and parents can get into "debt" in this system that depletes resources faster than we can replenish. That's what Capitalism on Steroids does!
The way we need to learn how to properly exercise, how to learn about our bodies and how to make them stronger and more fit so our bodies are there for us and last, so we also need to learn how to "exercise" and build strong, fit relationships so they last and sustain us in the future. But, who taught us that? I recall Barbara DeAngelis on a VHS tape I had in the 90's ask,, "who taught you how to love?' "How many people want to have the marriage their parents had?" Not too many raised their hands for that one.
The same way if we don't have a good, respectful relationship with our own bodies it will turn on us over time, So will our families, and friendships. If we do not know how to listen, to give, to validate, to give space to, to cultivate, to understand the non verbal language, to spend time with, to understand the signs and symptoms of, and instead, do the Exact Opposite, take for granted, which too many people do, we will simply be screwing ourselves and robbing ourselves of the health and Nutrition that is possible.
Capitalism/Masculine on Steroids has made certain that we keep ourselves, bodies and relationships starving, just barely above poverty. Why not have relationships and Bodies that THRIVE rather than just living "paycheck to paycheck?" It doesn't take $$, Just the passion and desire for Organic, Nutritious relationships.
Couples and friends get into Emotional debt when we don't know how to and are Not mindful of how we interact. When we take people for granted and don't have respect for them We, like the tight muscles, end up taking more than we give. Just as we can hurt our own bodies over time by not respect them and taking them for granted, not eating well, meditating or exercising, we do the same to our relationships. We don't feed them "Organically", we don't take care of them, we don't nurture them, we don't listen to them. When a friend or partner gives us feedback we dismiss it and defend the Program of the "System within" by telling them they don't know what they're talking about. This is How we perpetuate the system, by protecting it's "seed" in ourselves so we can continue "birthing" it all over the place. We don't even realize how we put the system first at the expense of our bodies and families.
It's all about going DEEP within and taking a long hard look at who we are and what we're made out of.
I cannot help but feel more and more lately the amount of "debt" I've been conditioned to be in and keep myself in all my life. I can't believe the amount of terror I felt trying to get someone to listen and take seriously the amount of Stress and Trauma I experienced by the Very people who are supposed to be my protectors and supporters. I was trapped with no where to go. People don't want to take it seriously and understand because then they would have to DO something! Something MORE than just having a Job, all the system expects of you. Heaven forbid we act outside the system and respond on our instincts to something that's happening right in front of us or to our neighbor.
I recently watched the latest Still Report with Bill Still of who I am a big fan,, http://youtu.be.gC5tTUqYhWo ,, with Bill Still telling Obama that soldiers in the Wars are not there to protect Rich Oil interests. That the soldiers signed up believing the were fighting for their country and the lives of it's citizens. I'm sure many soldiers see now that that's not the case but, they have so much invested in the Military and have no where else to go, they cling to the belief, no different than a bettered spouse or child.
So Bill Still plays a clip of Rand Paul talking about Obama needing to be a good leader and what a good leader is,, Another example of what I was telling people when I was a child, that I have a right to expect my own Parents to be good leaders and to DO their job. No one should be forced as a child to live in a completely stressful, uncaring, harsh, and oppressive environment. Talk about a captive audience! Where and when else are you at your most Captive if not when you're a small child?? Who else can betray you more than the Very people who brought you into the world then, don't do their job sufficiently to provide you with the BASIC respect and validation you need to be healthy?
If people today can complain about the Gov, the Military, the income inequality, the 1%, the FED, Wall St, the National Debt, low wages, etc,, then What does someone who had all that and more in their own family feel?? Those who didn't feel it at that level won't understand what it's like to feel completely imprisoned in your own house by the very people who's "Job" it is to protect you.
Because my growing up was SO Terrifying and the last thing I wanted was to repeat it, I did the logical thing and LISTEN to my body and what it needed by reading plenty of books on healthy relationships and started exercising my ASS off to replace what was robbed. At the complete opposition of what others were telling me. It is pretty sad even today that I have to be alone to listen to what my gut says because not many will be on your side. Any time I think someone will be on my side, it turns out I have to go in opposition to them. People only Love you when you're a winner, but they won't help you get there.
Another signature of Machismo Capitalism.
The ONLY way out of this system is to get the System out of YOUR system!
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