Balancing the Hard & the Soft, Even in Egypt

I just returned from our attempt at getting into Gaza with about 100 other women Peace Delegates from all over the world; Belgium, Switzerland, the UK, Ireland, France and the U.S.  At least 80% of the delegates were detained then deported. Some were held for hours and days before being allowed to board planes for home. No reason was ever given as to WHY they were detained/deported and why about 20 of us were allowed into Egypt. For our video message to the Women of Gaza who invited us, see my youtube channel April Watters/Message to Women of Gaza.
 So, myself and around 7 of us Americans made the most of it and went down to Luxor to check out some of the sites.
 I want to focus on the Men in the Markets. The desperation was unmistakable! I have never felt such,,, harassment in my life! They were so desperate for business and sales that they ended up creating the Opposite effect than they were looking to do. After coming out of a temple and past the souvenirs the men selling the stuff would literally swarm you! They would be in your face with their little statues and scarves or articles of clothing trying to get you to buy. The thing was, I wanted to look, I wanted to browse what they had because it was all very nice and beautiful but, they ended up ruining it for themselves and being so pushy that they pushed us out! At one point I got so frustrated that I said, not very loud, "get the F away from me!" I always try to be respectful of others and resist the temptation to lash back but, these men were SO pushy I just couldn't help myself.
 The interesting thing that came to my mind, though, was how that very lesson is what I try to teach myself about balancing the hard and the soft. These men are NO different than anyone who needs what they need. ANYONE would behave this way under the circumstances. I've felt desperate for Love and attention all my life and have leaned on people more than they would have cared for without having the understanding of WHY. It's NORMAL, according to Nature, for people, the environment, an animal, a city, to be deteriorating and starving. I reminded myself that it's not the fault of these men for being the way they were, it's they Conditions, the SYSTEM that makes them this way. I said to myself, "At least they're not Robbing us!" Which immediately made me think of the Bankers, the Corps and the Gov who ROB us everyday, all day long subtly and gradually and THESE men are the expression of that. The Shadow Gov behind the scenes sucking the life force from all of us, taking MORE than they're share while most people go along with it.

 It reminded me of how I tried and try to teach myself to be balanced. That when you're too desperate and over barring you push people away. But, the thing is, what if you ARE desperate?! That's just it. Sooner or later we all have to accept the reality. When you're hanging on by a twig, you're hanging on by a twig. There is NO extra "funds" hanging around anywhere that's just magically going to appear.
 I saw these men as the by product of our completely rigged and corrupt world. They represented the Bankers, the Corps, the Gov who were the real "swarmers".
 It also reminded me of how I used to struggle myself for decades pondering questions I didn't know if other people contemplated. I could feel the signs & symptoms of the "shock" that I was in. How low my energy level was from growing up in emotional debt that if I took any credit for myself, needed to think anything of myself, tried to accrue any measure of self esteem that I was "taking" it away from someone else and then seeing that person as Less-than, as degraded somehow. It was as if there was some kind of "Energy shortage" but, another kind of energy, emotional energy, and if I needed to feel good about myself I was "taking" energy from someone else leaving me feeling completely guilty and screwed! That should make NO sense and yet that's exactly how it is! How can listening to your gut instincts and doing what you have to do for oneself be screwing you? This is how we learn to SHRINK, to be our own worst enemy.
 The dilemma that I lived with for decades was just that; do I take the self esteem, the credit, do I assert what I KNOW, what's rightfully mine?? This is not something anyone should be forced to be asking themselves. But because we're born into Debt, I was certainly, into Emotional/Energy debt where people who have Poor to NO self worth leave their own children feeling guilty if they do not "Sacrifice" for their parents. This is WRONG and IMMORAL!! This is how we learn to bail out the Too Big To Fails!
 Because I was alone and needed someone to rely on, it was painful no matter what I did! If I took the credit for myself, stood within my rights and my convictions, I stood alone with those I "needed" rejecting me! If they were True Family, True love, that never would have occurred. At such a young age no one is capable of making these kinds of decisions. We deserve and NEED someone on our side helping us to have leverage. "Family" should NOT be those who we need to use the little leverage we have against!! THIS IS DEBT! No one talks about this kind of debt.
 We NEED to learn more about health and Nature! The way Nature works, the way relationships are supposed to work in a healthy way is what is most important. How can nations/countries get along when we don't even have healthy families??